you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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