My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
