that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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