Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
