i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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