Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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