I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
