Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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