He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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