he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
