Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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