Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
