Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
