If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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