I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
