it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
