how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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