i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
