YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
