the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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