She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Panties = found
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
