It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
