Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize