I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize