Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
