My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
