I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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