apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
