i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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