im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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