Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
