I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
