Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
too bad you live with your parents still
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize