First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
