god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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