We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
