found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
