he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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