he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
