There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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