i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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