I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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