We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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