She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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