Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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