I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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