But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
