If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
