can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
