Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
