I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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