I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize