Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
