Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
