One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
