oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
