i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
