Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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