I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
