Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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