I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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