is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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