singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
