i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
