I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize