when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
