two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
