Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
