Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
