That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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