Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
