The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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