he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize