My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
